When one door closes, another door opens

My friend, an American woman, in her fifty’s, single, (who has a son of 20s) met a man at the jazz bar in October. She said she was getting along together. I thought how free American society is! In Japan, women in her fifty’s can not have a romance very often. When she introduced us to her new boyfriend last Christmas, she looked really happy. Two days ago, I got a message, and told me that she broke up with him. I thought how quick it was! I was surprised because she said he was a undesirable person, and that she will never call him again. Neither he will. In her opinion “When one door closes, another door opens.” She said she has try to find the next happiness instead of being indecisive thinking about the past. As I am Japanese, it is hard to understand why it goes and change so quickly. In my opinion, I need a time to know each other if I were to have a good relationship. I would try to talk with him more and more if I were her and had some trouble with a boy friend.
Anyway, it is OK if she is happy. She also said that she is planning to have a date with her newest boy friend next Sunday. Love American style!

300000 miles

The USA is a mass consumer society, and people buy and shift them away in a very quick cycle. Contrary to my imaginations, Bill(CA) has owned the used HONDA car for more than 10 years. It has more than 300000 miles on it. What a long lasting car! I know Japanese cars are strong and has good performance, but even Japanese people give up keeping it after 100000 miles. Bill(CA) still keeps good company with this old HONDA. Is it true that the car is like a girlfriend for a man? I guess he must value his girlfriend like he has treated his HONDA car with care. However, he is still a single man and searching for the right someone.

Call Naoko!

Some people call me to ask about Kaiwa-USA's services. I'm happy to talk with you because I'd like to learn who you are, what you think, and how serious you are to meet Japanese ladies. Perhaps, by talking with me, Naoko, helps you to further learn about Japan, Japanese culture and Japanese ladies. Please call me before becoming a member. This is this the difference between us and Match.com, we prefer to provide personal service. The best time to call is weekend afternoons, Nevada time. My phone number has recently changed, the new number is 310-430-0772. I'm also available on Skype IP phone (http://skype.com) with the account name of Kaiwa-USA. Let's talk, please share your opinion.

Christmas cake

One member of American men asked, “How old do the most Japanese women get married?” I answered, “GOOD QUESTION!” There are 3 waves; first wave comes 24 year old (before 25). If she misses the good opportunity, she has to wait for the second wave comes 29 year old (before 30). And then, if she misses the second wave, she has to wait the third one. The third wave is not too big to surf, so the ladies over 30 are very serious in Japan. The ladies who couldn’t surf on the first wave called “Christmas CAKE” in Japan. It means that nobody buys the cake after finishing the Christmas Party. It is important for the ladies age of 24 because the Japanese men strict for women’s “use-by date”However, the Japanese ladies over 30 are energetic skillful, experienced and still young. I have a good impression that the American people don’t have strong discrimination against the age. People of all ages enjoy life in America, and that is why Japanese women dream about American men.

Double Happiness Equals to Double Engagements!

Our agency received the good news from Ms.Tanaka that she is engage. Then we received good news again that Ms Yasutake(F16068) is engaged. The gentlemen had visited the Tokyo office for an interview and express his concern that he was looking for a Japanese lady for marriage. He was a workaholic and wanted to meet someone to and spend the weekend together and have some fun. He was introduced to Ms Yasutake(F16068) and they had instant chemistry from the start and both decided to make a commitment to each other. Fateful encounter comes by chance and you never know about destiny and fate but it is important to realize that how we meet people can determine if there is a connection for the future in personal relationships.

Congratulations on Your Engagement!

”We are engaged!” Last week, I got good news from Miss Tanaka (F16064). The first time she came to Kaiwa-USA office for an interview from Aichi pref. was July of 2003. She started to correspond with a Japanese American man in Hawaii. They have been keeping in touch and have developed a good relationship since then. He came to Japan to see her last July, and she visited him in Hawaii last September. They have been to each other’s family, and everything went smoothly without any problems. You may think that her age 37 is old, but usually, Japanese women look very young for their age, especially she looks cute. Also she is well-educated, and careered. Since the man’s mother is Japanese, she is glad, too. (To keep a good relationship with mother in law is one of the good points for successful marriage as in Japan.) They will hold a wedding ceremony in Hawaii next spring. I am very happy to hear the unexpected good news. Congratulations on your engagement!

The Kaiwa-USA office is moved

The Kaiwa-USA office is moved.

Victory pose

In Japan, some gestures have similar meanings as they do in western countries but mostly, we don’t use it very often, and when using it, it seems not too aggressive but humbler than western ones. For example, when you win the game, you can express your joy of the victory with raising your arm high and making a fist. This sign could be universal, so a lot of scenes of this victory pose were shown in the Olympic games this summer. Although many Japanese JUDOISTs got gold medals, JUDOISTs in Japan are supposed to refrain from overt actions because the winner must respect the looser at the moment the game has finished. That is JUDO spirit. The same could be said not only for JUDO, but also for any kind of marshal arts in Japan. Sometimes, how you behave politely is prior to how you express your true feelings. However, all of the athletes in JAPAN including JUDOISTs can not help hiding this pleasant feeling. They must have a small victory pose in their mind.

ISHINDENSHIN

When my friend got married to a French lady, she said “Say whatever you want, otherwise I can't understand what you want me to do. I can never guess unless you mention it. I have no telepathy.” Well, what she said is true, but in Japan, we have the traditional idiom, ISHINDENSHIN which means to communicate heart to heart, without saying anything. Although most of Japanese are not psychic, we are supposed to understand what you are thinking unless you talk too much. The word ISHINDENSHIN comes from the BUDDISM. Originally, it is said that when the priest taught many kind of tenet to the pupils, one of the pupils could predict and understand all of the meaning before having been taught without any scriptures. That pupil is BUDDHA and the tenet is BUDDISM. Actually, there is not an exact scripture like the BIBLE in BUDDISM, but you can find it out by heart. It is more than the words. ISHINDENSHIN, this non verbal communication, is surely existence in Japanese culture. It must be very difficult for foreign people to understand. For example, when the dating, a Japanese woman doesn’t say “I am hungry” even though she is starving, but a man supposed to say “Let’s have lunch at the nice restaurant.” Also, Japanese people give you an unclear, vague answer when you ask something. This is because of ISHINDENSHIN. We always want you to guess what we are thinking instead of making strong personal statement. If you can keep good ISHINDENSHIN communication with your partner, you feel comfortable to stay in Japan. However, most Japanese people know ISHINDENSHIN communication doesn’t work universally, so we should try to open our mouth wider and try to say what we want to do forcefully. It helps for good global communication in these days.

The comment from the man in Vegas

Naoko is presently living in Las Vegas. I have been living here for about 4 months. I have been thinking that I need to learn and experience about American Culture and values if I am to provide the best quality services to both American men and Japanese women. I started interviewing American men and introducing them to the Kaiwa-USA this week. It is my first opportunity to interview an american man last week and we had a good time. It was a pleasure to know him and to inform him about Kaiwa-USA and the many services available to help him find a japanese woman that would someday be his wife. Here is the comment from Tak.One of important qualities I find in a Japanese woman is that they are very loyal, cordial and empathetic. I am very attractive to their cultural upbringing and the way they handle life obstacles with a sense of sincereness. Kaiwa-USA is very selective in interviewing ladies that want to be married and the ladies are very prepared in making sacrifices that enable them to find their dream love. (Tak, NV)

Q1-Can an American man find happiness with a Japanese girl?

The attraction between American (Western) men and Japanese ladies is one of the strongest attractions of all possible international relationships. Western men grow up learning `how to be a gentlemen` and Japanese ladies grow up learning to be cute and adorable. A match made in heaven.

Q2-What is the most important thing in maintaining the relationship?

After you've been dating a Japanese lady for a few months you will realise the differences between you are greater than you first expected. The unique history and culture of Japan means that Japanese people have quite a different reason for being. It feels like their every action and thought is different to ours. An interest in these difference and a willingness to teach and learn will lead not only to a satisfying relationship but also to a meaningful and satisfying life for both of you.

The Twelve Years Circle of Chinese Calendar

When I say “I was born in the monkey year”, you may wonder what the monkey yearis. It comes from the old Chinese calendar which was also used in KOREA andJAPAN. Look at the table below and find the year you were born in to identifyyour year of the animals.

1	MOUSE	1948	1960	1972	7	HORSE	1954	1966	1978
2	COW	1949	1961	1973	8	SHEEP	1955	1967	1979
3	TIGER	1950	1962	1974	9	MONKEY	1956	1968	1980
4	RABBIT	1951	1963	1975	10	CHICKEN	1957	1969	1981
5	DRAGON	1952	1964	1976	11	DOG	1958	1970	1982
6	SNAKE	1953	1965	1977	12	BOAR	1959	1971	1983

In ancient China, these animal characters are used as zodiacsigns. I once met an American man who studies Chinese and Japanese. He can speakChinese very well and he also knows about these animal symbols. He said he wasborn in the MONKEY year and so was I. He said that is coincidence. However,his wife was born in DOG year. He believes that is the reason why they don’tget along very well. Do you think it is funny?
Try to talk about these animal symbols when you meet a Japanese lady and youmight find that you may share many interests.

GAIJIN

If you come to Japan, you are called a “gaijin” or a gaikoku-jin. These words are used to describe people who come from another country. What do you think about the word `gaijin`? I have many friends from other countries in Tokyo. Some of them don’t like the word “GAIJIN”. Some Japanese people also think this word doesn’t sound polite enough for people who are interested enough to come and visit our countryJapan is a mono-racial society, so we see people from foreign countries to be quite different…..or quite special. Foreigners are often treated very differently to Japanese people. Sometimes in a bad way, for example, not allowed into an onsen, or turned away immediately by real-estate agents and potential landlords. One day, one of my friends showed me his GAIJIN CARD (A foreign resident's registration card) which is issued by the Japanese government. The English reads “Certificate of Alien Registration”. “ALIEN!”? It means a creature from another planet, doesn’t it??? I was shocked and embarrassed. I think it’s very bad that the Japanese government doesn’t use a more appropriate word. It’s been about 200 years since Mr. Perry came to Japan from America to open country, but our country still seems to have some closed doors. On the other hand, you can often feel like a model or sports star when you are in Japan. When this happens you can say proudly `I’m a gaijin`

A Wedding Party

Miss R, One of our woman member, visited the office today, and talked about her and her fiancée's wedding party. Our talk was enjoyable!I asked about presents for the bride and groom. At Japanese wedding parties, we usually do not give products, but rather money as a gift. It depends, but varies roughly between 200USD to 500USD. It is a Japanese tradition. Is it rational or strange ? After the wedding party, the bride and groom give presents back to the guests, as tokens of appreciation. Sometimes, holding a party or participating in a party is tiring. I don't like this stupid custom.I asked what is the American way? She told that "JUST COMING is fine !" I said "But....it is not polite." Then she showed me the bridal registry at http://target.com.They listed their needs for starting their new life. I like this American way. The gift should be one that both the giving side and the receiving side feel happy about.

Question: What is the most heartwarming present you could receive at the wedding party?

GOEN - “Soul Mate” in Japanese

Does the expression “Soul Mate” refer only to the relationship between a Man and Woman in your country ?In Japan, we have a similar expression, “EN” or “GO-EN”. The prefix “GO” is added to represent a more formal or respectful form of the expression “EN”. The expression “GO-EN” is used by Japanese people as an inspiration for good fortune. Japanese people believe that “GO-EN” has deep meaning for one self's entire life. For example, “GO-EN” will enable you to meet new good friends, business partners, neighbors, and suitable life partners. It will lead you to nice restaurants, interesting books, favorite music and fun clothes. “GO-EN” will provide you success. Those people with “GO-EN” whom you meet will bring you luck and good fortune. With “GO-EN” you can chose whichever path you feel is best and you will no doubt find happiness. All the result of “GO-EN”.Good people will enjoy good relationships. And a good relationship will evolve into a better and better relationship over time. In Japan, we believe that good personal and romantic relationships are the result of “GO-EN” – a belief that two people meet and develop a strong, loving relationship because they have shared “GO-EN” from the past and into the future – it is everlasting.There are people as abundant as stars on earth, but you can meet only a few in your life time. So the very "special" meeting of a "Soul Mate" is a result of "Go-EN". Your visit to our website, Meet Japan Lady, I believe is because of "GO-EN".So, I can not help appreciating you with "GO-EN".In Japan, “GO-EN” between a Man and Woman is especially known as “The Destiny of the Red Thread”. The red thread binds both the Man and Woman's little fingers since they were born."GO-EN" GA A RI MA SU YO U NI ……….(I hope that you find your soul mate!)

Question: Have you ever seen a woman with whom you feel a strong inspiration of “GO-EN”?

http://meetjapanlady.com

MICHI -the way - DO(dou) in Japanese-TAO in Chinese

I received a message from a man displaying interest in our service. He expressed a strong attraction to Japanese culture. When he was young, he learned IKEBANA KA-DO (flower arranging) and KARATE-DO. I am pleased, because he tried our culture. Cultural exchange is a good method of communication. I hope KAIWA members develop an interest in Japanese culture. I really enjoy learning your culture from you! He talked about finding his soul mate and how he does not believe in destiny. He believes nothing is written, people can “write” their own “destiny.” This is different from Japanese thought. Sometimes, we Japanese tend to believe in something invisible like miracles. They are definitely not in the dictionary. I accept his opinion, but I like the Japanese way of thinking. I explained to him that the cultures he learned are related. DO(dou) is the method you are using. In China, they say it is TAO. TAOISM is another method of doing. We can learn it through SA-DO (the way of tea), KA-DO, JU-DO, KEN-DO, AIKI-DO… In SA-DO, we don’t just make delicious tea, in KA-DO we don’t just arrange beautiful flowers, and those martial arts are not for killing people, but for disciplining yourself. In learning these arts, you can't see but you can feel your improvement. It may seem very spiritual, but it is very oriental. Looking for a soul mate on the Internet is also one of those unscientific, uncertain things.Anyway, DO(TAO) also taught me to accept differences. So I don't mind if you think differently.

Ta Ma No Ki Shi

I got an interesting message, from one of our members, that I want to share with everyone. What is your opinion ?
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Romantic Reality TelevisionRecently, in the USA, so-called "Reality" television has become popular. A couple years ago we had "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?" This resulted in a phony man and woman marrying, only to divorce a few days later. Last night, the television show: "Joe Millionaire" came to a (near) conclusion. In this show, twenty beautiful women are flown to a French castle to meet Evan, who they are told just inherited fifty million US dollars. The truth is Evan is not rich and earns 2,250,000 JY per year, as a construction worker. After many dates, all the time pretending to be rich, he chooses one "lucky" woman. He then tells her he is not rich and was lying all the time. He begs her to stay with him, anyway. Well. she does and the television network gives the two of them one million US dollars. How strange! >>> In America, women who look for a man, just for his money, are known as "Gold Diggers." Is there a word for these women, in Japan?The next big reality television show will be "Married By America." In this show, people have potential mates screened by relationship experts, family and friends, while America watches. Eventually there will be only two choices, and at this point the television viewers decide whom the person marries. It should be interesting. Silly, perhaps, but interesting.
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Yes, we have that word "Tama No Koshi". TAMA means "the great fortune", and KOSHI is a kind of vehicle. In the Japanese HEIAN period (more than 1000 years ago), the brides were carried at the marriage ceremony by a gorgeously embellished KOSHI, So, it is called "Tama No Koshi Ni Noru" or "Getting on the great vehicle." It is like the man picks up the woman in a Ferrari. Throughout history and in all countries, every woman dreams of becoming a Princess, a Cinderella, a Pretty Woman. But this TV program tells us it's more than that. If the relationship with your soul mate is based on shared values, rather than money, life is wonderful, isn't it?

Question: What conditions are most necessary for getting married?

GIRI-CHOCO ( Obligatory Loveless Chocolate )

If the Japanese lady, in the next cubicle, gives you Valentine's chocolate, it may not mean she's enamored with you. We Japanese can't help giving gifts at every opportunity. The formality of giving is more important than the gift itself. If the recipient's gift is less than spectacular, that is what will be expected in the future. If no gift is given, then the relationship is permanently over. So, gift giving customs are forever lasting so as not to break the harmony. That's the Japanese way! Furthermore, most Japanese don't know who St. Valentine is. Anyway, I wish all men have a wonderful Valentines day with your steady girlfriends.

Question: Because 60% of Japanese men don't like sweets, we have, instead of chocolates, heart-shaped rice crackers ( O-SENBEI )at the Valentines shops. Do you prefer chocolates?

Single Life Without Interference

I shared the story about "Independence" last time, now I will tell you about dependency in Japan. My friend Naomi is a single, 39 year old career woman living with her parents. Of course she pays her parents room and board, but she can afford to travel abroad several times a year, to eat out whenever she wants, and to buy anything she likes. She seems to enjoy her life. These women are plentiful, in Japan, and are known as the Louis Vuitton type.
Not only single women but also single men, and even married couples live with their parents. They save money and they do this at their parents suggestion. What a mutual interdependence !I have been living apart from my parents for 10 years. My mother still asks me "Why don't we live together? When will you move home?" Lately she has gotten into the habit of asking: "Do you have a boy friend ? Why don't you introduce him to me if you have a boyfriend ? When will you marry ? You should marry soon or you will become to old to have babies. Shall I help to look for a soul mate for you ?" I say "Thank you mom, but I don't need your help. Please, let's not discuss this anymore. "I am a little bit disgusted. I live alone because I want to escape from this intrusive prying.
I know an old widowed woman in France. She told her daughter to get out of her house when the daughter was 20 years old. She never puts her nose into anybody else's business, and nobody gets into hers. Now she is 80 years old, she lives alone, but she still sometimes travels abroad, she eats when she is hungry, she sleeps when she is sleepy. I am truly envious because she seems natural and free.

Question: Would you agree to live with your parents, or those of your wife-to-be? Is this a good way to save money ?

Best Friend (My friend Kaoru)

Three years ago, my friend Kaoru and I visited the Canadian Embassy in search of a "working-holiday visa". We both hoped to escape the stress and boredom of Japan. Like many Japanese women in their twenties and thirties, we dreamt of freedom. She was able to secure a visa. I was not, as I had exceeded the age limit for this type of visa. It was a crossroad for us. For the last three years she has been living in Canada. For me it was the same old routine in Tokyo. Last week she returned from Canada. I felt she had developed an aura of independence.For the first time she realized: Everything is expensive! Everyone is rushing! The streets are crowded ! These are her observations, for me, everything is normal. Her most shocking observation is "discrimination against foreigners". Wherever you are, you may experience this kind of racial or ethnic prejudice without even noticing. Though she didn't say, I feel she may have experienced this abuse while living overseas.

Question: While visiting other countries, have you experienced this kind of discrimination? What kind of discrimination was it? How did it make you feel? If it was by Japanese, I am so sorry. If you can, please these experiences with us.