How to Meet Japanese Women: Matchmaker Naoko's Support Blog: Communication Tips

Showing posts with label Communication Tips. Show all posts

November 02, 2013

How to Best Prepare for Her Visit to Your Home

Long time ago, one of our female members visited the man whom she was corresponding with in the US and stay there for three weeks to make sure if she felt comfortable living there.

Since he has a job, she was supposed to be in his house alone until he came back. However, there was no internet access. He went to Starbucks when he needed to go online. There was no car for her, she had no friends there. She was like a bird in a cage for more than two weeks. She completed reading the books she brought with her from Japan. She had nothing to do for most of the day and was there alone. Finally, she gave up staying there and went back to Tokyo. Needless to say, she and he broke up after that. I do not want to blame him, but there must have been a better way for him to welcome her to the US and show her that he really wanted her to stay with him and that he really wanted to marry her.

Before she visits you, it would be nice to prepare for her to make her feel welcome and happy. The best way to do this is to at least provide the following things for her:

1) Fast Internet access.

2) Area map with your location and how to use the public transportation to the downtown.

3) Local information about shops, libraries, cafés, and restaurants.

4) Information about Japanese community if there is any Japanese community near your town.

5) Locations of rental car companies or Zipcar. She can drive if she has an international driver’s license.

The purpose of her visiting you is to for her to see if she feels comfortable staying with you. If you pass this test, then your relationship will move on to the next stage. So it is most important for you to prepare to make her happy.

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October 15, 2013

Online Dating, Do I Choose Quantity or Quality?

Many people who get used to using online dating services probably think meeting someone online is easy. They might think if they lose interest in one person after chatting or a short communication, it is easy to seek someone new. Many people believe the saying of “Even a poor shot will hit the mark (eventually) if he tries often enough.” However, can a person really find someone special by meeting many people?

There is a Japanese traditional saying “Ichi Go Ichi E”. Here is the link: http://bit.ly/XKUY9 . “Ichi Go Ichi E” is Zen Word which means, “Value the person you meet in this moment, for he or she is certainly intended for you”.

As a matchmaker, I always tell our members to take the time to see your match deeply. Find out his or her inner beauty. Think about why you chose her, or why you are chosen by her. Think about “Ichi Go Ichi E”. Meeting someone on this planet at this moment is an amazing opportunity and is a miracle since you and she were selected to be a couple from the billions of people on the planet.

I definitely want all of our members to think more about Quality instead of Quantity. When you focus on creating a Quality Life with someone special, you will achieve your goal of a happy marriage.

All of our members who got happily married were following the “Ichi Go Ichi E” method.

September 24, 2013

Does Your Message Make Her Happy?

Our male members and female members often have language difficulties when communicating. However, if you have great patience and adopt an attitude of learning about the message sender, language issues become less of a problem.

Continue to read whole article.....

June 21, 2013

A Friend Relationship Does Not Exist If You Are Looking for a Lifelong Partner

When men decline having relationships with women, they think they should be polite so they say, “I would like to be your friend.”

Men believe that they are being kind to women by offering friendship, but in reality being friends creates unfortunate situations where women are still expecting men to come back to them even though the men have moved on.

If you are no longer interested in her, it would be better to clearly say “NO” to her. You may feel guilty or feel bad in the short term, but in the long term your clear word of “NO” will encourage her to move on and find someone else.

Some men keep women as friends, but if you are really looking for a future wife, having many girlfriends doesn’t make sense. Keeping in touch with women whom you do not really love makes trouble between you and a woman you love or you are going to love. She may feel disloyal to a you if you keep many women as friends.

If you would like to meet the right woman, say “NO” to the woman you do not feel any chemistry with and close the door firmly, and move on as soon as possible. Erase her email address, remove her as a Facebook friend, and remove her from your online social network. In this way you are clearly starting that you are ready for a new woman to come into your life.

It might be hard for you, but it is the best way and quickest way to find the right woman for you.

When you decline, stop making FRIEND RELATIONSHIPS and you will find your ONE and ONLY soon.

May 19, 2013

Is “AWESOME” a Good Word to Use in a Conversation Between You and Your Date?

One of my girlfriends in California, who is her mid-thirties often says, “Sounds Awesome!” I like to hear that kind of positive word since she is always happy and encouraging her friends around her.

I recently introduced the phrase, “Sounds Awesome!”, in my newsletter for female members because I thought “Sounds Awesome!” is a miracle phrase to make their email conversation vivid and male members who hear this word are going to be happy. I thought that “Sounds Awesome!” sounds much more human than just use “Sounds Great.”

Right after I sent my newsletter to our female members, one of our readers (She is Japanese), who is not one of our members, wrote to me that it would be better NOT to use “Sounds Awesome!” when communicating with native speakers of English. She believes that “Sounds Awesome!” is a kind of slang, and it “Sounds Awful” if professional men hear that phrase. She said that she belongs to an organization of English education in JAPAN.

I would like to ask all professional men who are English native speakers about this topic.

Is it a bad idea for Japanese women to use “Sounds Awesome” when communicating with their dates?

Does it sound childish or immature?

I asked my ESL teacher in California, and he said that using “Sounds Awesome” is not that bad, but it is still slang, so it would be better to consider who you are speaking to and where you are with him. He also suggested not to use “Awesome” in a business meeting.

I understand.

I am so curious about learning new words, so I also asked some of my friends and here is my understanding of what they thought. I would like to know more about the word “Awesome”

For example, if both A and B are teenagers, and A is showing his new motorcycle to B.

A: Hey, this is my new motorcycle!

B: That’s Awesome!

I understand it is natural if “Awesome!” is in teenagers’ conversation.

n another example, if both A and B are adults, and a guy gives his girlfriend a gift in a fancy restaurant.
A: Happy birthday! Here is my birthday gift to you…..
B: WOW…. That’s Awesome!!!!

Do you think she is childish?
Do you think she should say “That’s MARVELOUS!!!” instead? (I was taught the word MARVELOUS, but I have never heard that American people use this word in their everyday conversation. Is it British English?????)

Generally speaking, do you think that adults should not use the word “Awesome” in everyday conversation? I am still questioning if “Awesome” is such a poor word choice?????

I also asked my husband, and he explained, that he sees these positive words as progressing from lower to highest levels of power:

Good < Great < Super < Awesome.
He feels that “Awesome” is more expressive than good, great, or super. He also believes that anyone is free to use words they want as this is an honest expression of that person.

I also asked my mother in law who is in her 70’s. She personally doesn’t use the word “Awesome!” but she feels enthusiastic when she hears the word from someone.

Right after I asked her, she gave me a newspaper article which had the word “Awesome”. If it is used in a newspaper article, it means that it is an acceptable word, which leads me to think that awesome is not a poor word choice even though it is slang. But I am still unclear about how to use the word “Awesome” .

I asked one guy in SNS who is an AMERICAN living in JAPAN. He said you shouldn't use “Awesome” in your business meeting.

I noticed that all of them didn’t say that “Awesome” is only for adults.

I understand that we must use language differently in time, place, and occasion (private vs. public). However, English is not the first language for Japanese people; we need to learn everyday English more than English in the text book. I mean if Japanese people get used to the verbal English, communicating with native English speakers would be more natural.

A language lives in each moment and words and phrases are always changing since human beings were born. I think it would be great to use words and phrases that are vivid, and it helps to create more dynamic relationships with others than using ordinary words. I learned the word “Marvelous” in the textbook when I lived in Japan, but unfortunately, I do not have many opportunities to hear it in my life in the US. People study Shakespeare, but I don’t think many people speak Shakespearean English in the 21st century.

ANYWAY, I would like to ask all my blog readers if it sounds fine or childish for a 30 year old woman to say “Awespme!” to her boyfriend when she receives a gift?

Thank you for your help!!!!

Naoko

September 11, 2012

If You Decline, Set Her Free

August 28, 2012

Success Will Be Yours If You Prioritize Finding a Japanese Wife

A prominent business book states that there are 4 different categories for organizing your daily chores.

1. Urgent and Important.
2. Urgent but NOT important

3. Important but NOT urgent

4. Not Important or urgent

If you focus on doing the daily chores which are urgent and important, you will complete many agendas in a day, and you will feel more confident and satisfied.

Through my 12 year matchmaking career, many of male members who are professional may put the “Finding Japanese Wife Project” into the category of “Important but NOT urgent” category. This is unfortunate since it means that your dream of marrying a Japanese woman will not come true, or at least, will take a long time.

Some time ago, we had a report from one of our female members. She started corresponding with a male member about 6 months before, and she believed that her correspondence with him was going well. One day, she was talking with him on Skype with video. He didn’t say so, but it looked like he was buying and selling stocks at the same time he was taking with her. He also looked tired and yawned a few times in front of her.

Obviously, she did not like seeing this since he was not giving her his full attention and did not seem very interested in her. It would have been better for him to do the Skype chat after he had completed his work. Understandably, she did not feel respected or valued during this call.

Everyone understands that business is very important for professional men. However, if you have been a single for a long time and you truly want to create a loving relationship, it is time to give your personal life the full attention that it deserves. So, prioritize your love life and be fully attentive when talking to our female clients and they will appreciate you even more than before. Just imagine how much more fulfilling your conversations will be!

Most of our successful happy couples have learned to prioritize their love life in order to build a happy personal life. After all, what is more important than love in your life? LOVE is category #1.

July 30, 2012

Tip: How to Ask One Question at a Time to a Japanese Woman

When you start a relationship with a Japanese woman, you may have a lot of questions about her. This is natural when starting a new relationship. The more you ask, the more you will learn about her. However, we recommend that you not ask her too many questions at one time.

I have received reports from some of our female members:
“He asked me so many questions that I feel like I am having a job interview.”
“I feel like he is investigating me and I am NOT guilty!”
“It is hard for me to read and understand his questions in English, and reply to him in a short time. As a result, I gave up communicating with him.

At the beginning of the correspondence, keeping in touch with her on a regular basis is the most important thing. Communication should be like a ping pong game, where you write to her a short message which she can easily reply to. In order to maintain the ping pong rally, please do not hit an exploding fastball which will knock her out.

This means, if you ask her 10 or more questions in one email, she may feel too overwhelmed, too much pressure, and too tedious to reply to all of the questions. So, she may not want to email you again as a result. English is not Japanese people's first language, so you may understand that it takes a lot of time for her to read your email, understand your words, and answer your questions with polite phrases.

Even though you may have many questions for her, it would be better that you ask her one question in each email. Then she will be happy to answer your one question which is easier to reply to without fear or stress. And you will feel more comfortable since you will not have to wait for her answer to your multitude of questions for 7 days. You and she will understand each other more clearly and will have a better connection with the quicker response time.

Also, it would be helpful for her to acknowledge her reply to your question in your email.
Such as, “Thank you for answering my question. I understood more about you now.”
“I have another question since I want to learn more about you.”
Then you can ask another question when you reply to her.
And then she is more inclined to answer your one question since when yo both are answering each other’s questions, you both feel validated, creating feelings of caring, acceptance, and understanding. This simple process allows her to feel more confident in creating a deeper relationship with you.

Asking one question at a time may be a slow, time consuming process, but it is the best way for you and her to get to know each other.

If you have started corresponding with a Japanese woman, please try this method of single question & answer conversations first. You will see that it is more helpful to create mutual trust and understanding with her first instead of giving her a storm and making her feel frustrated.

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June 09, 2012

What Are Your Three Most Favorite Romantic Movies of All Time?

“What are your three most favorite romantic movies of all time?”

This is a great question to ask your Japanese girlfriend or wife.

Most of our international couples do long distance correspondence, and it is not easy to see each other very often.

So, if you ask her what her most favorite romantic movies are, you guys can watch them individually and share your feelings with her even though there is more than 5000 miles distance between you and her.

Asking about this question also helps her to know your feelings about romance and about her, since she can imagine as if she were a heroine and you were a hero in the movie.

My husband and I selected his and mine favorite romantic movies, and we watch them on the weekends. This is a great time to cuddle! Thank you Netflix!!!

My favorite romantic movie is “New Cinema Paradise”, an Italian movie. I first watched it when I was a teenager and it still remains in my heart.

My husband's favorite romantic movie is “The Last of the Mohicans”. Regarding the title, I am wondering if it is really a romantic movie, but I am looking forward to watching it next time!

What are your favorite romantic movies? Please share them with us too!

The 50 most romantic movies of all time
http://www.timeout.com/newyork/film/the-50-most-romantic-movies-of-all-time

Naoko Matsumoto / CEO and Your Personal Matchmaker

February 11, 2012

Hot Dating Tip: Call Her 2 Hours after Your Date

Here is a hot tip providing insight into what women like from a man. After going on a date with a woman, you will score major points with her if you call her 2 hours after your date. Many women, especially Japanese women, appreciate it when a man shows he cares about her. And, women love attention from a man!

Usually 2 hours after a date a woman is relaxing at home. No matter what she is doing 2 hours later, it is very important that you call her to make sure that she arrives home safely. When calling her, you can show your appreciation for her by saying that you had a wonderful time with her. Feel free to show you care by asking her questions about herself and telling her about yourself when she shows interest.

Calling also lets her know that you have been thinking about her after your date. And, she will feel that she is important to you when you call.

Japanese women almost expect her date to call after their date. This is a way that Japanese women rate their dates and sense how much their dates like them. So please do not forget to do it. Every time you go on a date. If you don’t, you are sending her the message that you don’t care for her. So, if you truly liked her you must call her!

Women are always thinking thoughts like:
- Am I important for this man?
- Is he important to me?
- How much is this man thinking of me?
- How much does this man care about me?
- Will this man protect me if something happens to me?
- Does this man bring me joy and happiness?

Japanese women are especially sensitive about dating. So, if you call her after your date, she will be very happy!

January 30, 2012

Why Old Fashioned Communication Methods Are Better Than Modern Digital Communication Methods For Creating Meaningful Relationships

One day, my mother in law said with sorrow,

“No one has called me recently.”

She explained that most of her friends use FACEBOOK now as a communication tool. And, since they communicate via FACEBOOK, they tend not to call each other.

This is an issue for my mother in law since she is not good at using a computer and she doesn't know how to use the Facebook. She feels isolated because she cannot communicate easily and personally with her friends by talking on the phone as she used to do. Everyone is too busy to call!

Actually, FACEBOOK is one of the greatest internet communication tools, since it enables people from any location around the world to communicate easily and cheaply. But quicker and easier communication does not necessarily translate into building meaningful or personal relationships, especially for local friends who live nearby. So, ironically, the more computer technology is developed, the new internet communication paradigm has made it harder in many ways for people to enjoy a social life with real friends.

Like my mother in law, many people are victims of FACEBOOK nowadays, and many people are forgetting the values of direct and personal communication on the phone or face to face which they used to have.

If you are seriously looking for a Japanese wife, I highly recommend the following ways of communication with Japanese women instead of just sending a few digital words instantly. You may feel these methods may be too old fashioned, but these methods offer more effective ways of developing your relationships.

SENDING A HANDWRITTEN LETTER
Instead of sending 10 short sentenced digital messages with your computer, it would be 10 times more effective to send one handwritten letter to your love. A personal, handwritten letter shows that you truly care and allows for a more personal message and artwork that she will really treasure and warm her spirit. It may take more than an hour to write and 7 days to reach her but it is well worth the effort.

Also, it is a good idea to select beautifully designed stamps for the person whom you are writing to, and place them on the envelope while thinking of her. She will appreciate the personal touch!

TALKING ON SKYPE AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK
There is a time difference, but you and she can setup a regular time and day to talk on Skype. As you listen to her real voice, you can more easily sense how she really feels from the tone of her voice. That's more valuable than exchanging emails.

MEETING IN PERSON
If you live in an area close to where she lives, you can see her without a lot of effort. It is nice to chit chat at a cafe and invite her to your house. Most of our members live far apart since she lives in Japan and you live in the US, and you cannot see her very often. I suggest that you make an effort to meet her in person when you are able to visit Japan. And, you can also invite her to visit you in the US. Either way is fine. The important thing is making the effort. Meeting face to face with her is very valuable and it is necessary in building a strong relationship and for creating a “marriage”.

Digital communication tools are just efficient tools that help in many ways, but we must not rely on them solely as some of the old fashioned methods are just as valuable. If you are seriously building your relationship, using old fashioned communication methods may be even more important than modern methods since the old fashioned ways allow one to communicate more personally, thereby creating a more meaningful and closer relationship. And, the old fashioned ways will bring you happiness easier, quicker, and deeper than you might expect.

Meet Japan Lady.com
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http://meetjapanlady.com/

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