July 30, 2012

Tip: How to Ask One Question at a Time to a Japanese Woman

When you start a relationship with a Japanese woman, you may have a lot of questions about her. This is natural when starting a new relationship. The more you ask, the more you will learn about her. However, we recommend that you not ask her too many questions at one time.
I have received reports from some of our female members:
“He asked me so many questions that I feel like I am having a job interview.”
“I feel like he is investigating me and I am NOT guilty!”
“It is hard for me to read and understand his questions in English, and reply to him in a short time. As a result, I gave up communicating with him.
At the beginning of the correspondence, keeping in touch with her on a regular basis is the most important thing. Communication should be like a ping pong game, where you write to her a short message which she can easily reply to. In order to maintain the ping pong rally, please do not hit an exploding fastball which will knock her out.

This means, if you ask her 10 or more questions in one email, she may feel too overwhelmed, too much pressure, and too tedious to reply to all of the questions. So, she may not want to email you again as a result. English is not Japanese people's first language, so you may understand that it takes a lot of time for her to read your email, understand your words, and answer your questions with polite phrases.
Even though you may have many questions for her, it would be better that you ask her one question in each email. Then she will be happy to answer your one question which is easier to reply to without fear or stress. And you will feel more comfortable since you will not have to wait for her answer to your multitude of questions for 7 days. You and she will understand each other more clearly and will have a better connection with the quicker response time.
Also, it would be helpful for her to acknowledge her reply to your question in your email.
Such as, “Thank you for answering my question. I understood more about you now.”
“I have another question since I want to learn more about you.”
 Then you can ask another question when you reply to her.
 And then she is more inclined to answer your one question since when yo both are answering each other’s questions, you both feel validated, creating feelings of caring, acceptance, and understanding. This simple process allows her to feel more confident in creating a deeper relationship with you.

Asking one question at a time may be a slow, time consuming process, but it is the best way for you and her to get to know each other.

If you have started corresponding with a Japanese woman, please try this method of single question & answer conversations first. You will see that it is more helpful to create mutual trust and understanding with her first instead of giving her a storm and making her feel frustrated.
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