Here is a story from one of our former members that shows how we perhaps unconsciously hold onto
past relationships and how this clinginess to the past can harm present relationships.
“It was right after we had married and I had recently moved into my husband’s house. One day, I opened the kitchen cabinet to make a cup of tea, when suddenly, a bunch of blonde hair fell down onto the kitchen counter. I was so scared because I thought someone may have been killed in this house!
My husband rushed into the kitchen and explained the blond hair to me.
“This is my ex-girlfriend's hair. I have kept it because I think it is beautiful. ”
I am thinking, but why keep the hair in the kitchen cabinet?
OK, I think it may have been beautiful for him, but it was horrible for me.
I calmly said without anger:
“It is important to let go of past experiences, and so I am asking you to let go of this hair. Please throw it out in the garbage, and please do not tell me about your past beautiful memories since I am a woman who lives with you now in the present moment.” Luckily, he understood what I told him and we have not discussed about each one's past since then.”
I am not denying his past fantastic relationships. But, I feel a good rule is to not talk about past relationships. Why? Because it is not necessary for our new married life since I am feeling happy with him now and I don’t want the past to interfere with the present.”
While this story from a former member may seem funny to some, it offers a valuable lesson. And the spouse handled the situation with her husband in a positive manner leading to stronger trust in their relationship.
Through my more than 10 years matchmaking experience, I have seen how many people tend to hold onto the memories of their past relationships. And, during early correspondence with a new date, they ask their date's past relationships. Why? Do they want to compare the person they are with now to their previous dates? Are they looking for someone who is similar or different? Do they expect him/her to be like a person they used to love? This is a fool’s idea since everyone is different and trying to recreate the past will only lead to heartache.
If you are asked about your past relationships do you feel happy? Are the conversations really exciting?
I believe it is best to say “I don’t dwell in the past. I don’t cling to the past. It is best to forget your past relationships!” Past is past. We cannot change the past. Now is now and we have the power to choose what we want to do now in the present. So, forget the past and spend your finite energy on creating a beautiful life with your current partner. Now can be the best time ever and don’t let the past mess it up.
If you really want to start a new life with someone special, it is better to focus on the person who you are dating now, who is in front of you! Pay all your attention to the person you are with now! Enjoy each moment you spend with the person you love now for soon the moment will be in the past.
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